Use a large, shallow pan, not a turkey roaster, and nurture the bird with its own juices by basting often, and I think you'll like the results.
Cranberry sauce and cream cheese could change your life. Or at least your sandwiches.
Most butchers will remove the backbone for you.
Whole fried turkey is the best illustration I know of just how delicious and greaseless fried food can be.
A little soy sauce in the glaze ensures the burnished mahogany skin that holiday memories are made of.