The etiquette of toasting (Or, How not to insult your mother-in-law)
Dear Lynne,
Should you drink if you are being toasted?
When my mother toasted our engagement, I said "thank you" by raising my glass and sipping. My fiancé didn't drink. Instead, he stood up and thanked her.
He claims this is correct and you shouldn't drink when you're being toasted. Isn't this insulting? My mother wasn't actually insulted, but other people could be. Who is right here?
-Hillary
Dear Hillary,
He got it right. Your intentions were noble, but your etiquette was shaky.
Toasting rules work like this:
You never drink to yourself, and you always thank the toaster afterward. If the group is large or it is a formal occasion, the toaster and toastee should each stand when they speak. In a formal setting, you never propose a toast before your host has done it. (If the host seems to have forgotten, ask her or his permission and then go for it.)
Never toast with water. It's unlucky. Toast with anything else, even an empty glass.
Congratulations on your engagement.
-Lynne
Related: The art of the toast: 35 toasts for your repertoire
Before you go...
Each week, The Splendid Table brings you stories that expand your world view, inspire you to try something new and show how food brings us together. We rely on you to do this. And, when you donate, you'll become a member of The Splendid Table Co-op. It's a community of like-minded individuals who love good food, good conversation and kitchen companionship. Splendid Table Co-op members will get exclusive content each month and have special opportunities for connecting with The Splendid Table team.
Donate today for as little as $5.00 a month. Your gift only takes a few minutes and has a lasting impact on The Splendid Table and you'll be welcomed into The Splendid Table Co-op.
