Dear Lynne,
Should you drink if you are being toasted?
When my mother toasted our engagement, I said "thank you" by raising my glass and sipping. My fiancé didn't drink. Instead, he stood up and thanked her.

He claims this is correct and you shouldn't drink when you're being toasted. Isn't this insulting? My mother wasn't actually insulted, but other people could be. Who is right here?  


Dear Hillary,

He got it right. Your intentions were noble, but your etiquette was shaky.  

Toasting rules work like this: 

You never drink to yourself, and you always thank the toaster afterward. If the group is large or it is a formal occasion, the toaster and toastee should each stand when they speak. In a formal setting, you never propose a toast before your host has done it. (If the host seems to have forgotten, ask her or his permission and then go for it.) 

Never toast with water. It's unlucky. Toast with anything else, even an empty glass.

Congratulations on your engagement.


Lynne Rossetto Kasper

Lynne Rossetto Kasper has won numerous awards as host of The Splendid Table, including two James Beard Foundation Awards (1998, 2008) for Best National Radio Show on Food, five Clarion Awards (2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2014) from Women in Communication, and a Gracie Allen Award in 2000 for Best Syndicated Talk Show.